Time to Nut Up Or Shut Up

I haven’t written in a couple of days. Life has been hectic. I am superbly happy to say that Lily got her teeth fixed. I have never loved Patrick Fitzgerald more in my life than I do now. He gave me the money for it, I have to pay him back but he said I can take my time. She still doesn’t have her 4 front teeth but at least they are rotten anymore. I can rest easy now knowing she is taken care of with that. It ate away at me and I can honestly say I was ashamed of myself for letting it get hat way.

Anyway, just saw my cousins for the first time in almost 7 months, well 4 for Eric. I forget sometimes how much I LOVE those boys. It was great to catch up with them, and we sat around laughing and playing video games and then watched Jennifer’s body! Terrible movie, terrible but it had some funny dialogue, which I’m not surprised by since Diablo Cody wrote it.

My birthday is in 6 days. I’m not excited, which is weird. I used to count the days until I was a year older but these days I just really don’t give a fuck. I don’t know why =( I am excited for my birthday dinner, but that’s because I haven’t seen like any of my friends lately, aside from Sikko who I see more than anyone else b/c of Sindays. I can’t wait. Still have to talk with my mom about watching Lily, but I made sure it was a Friday so it’s not a work night and its around 6 so it will still be light enough for them to go in the pool and let’s face it, Lily is SOOOOO much better for her Gram.

Ok enough for now. I can’t think of anything else that happened in life. update soon =].

Quote to part with:

Tallahassee: I'm not great at farewells, so uh... that'll do, pig.

Columbus: That's the worst goodbye I've ever heard. And you stole it from a movie.

[[i've wanted to watch this again for like the last week]]

And wherever they are, the angels will dance

Yeah, Team Wolf right here!!!!

I held our friend Dave’s daughter Arianna today. It was difficult. I didn’t know it would be after 2 years, but it was. She is beautiful and it was fun, Lily LOVED having a baby in the house. She told me she wanted one. But it definitely stung a wound I didn’t realize was still so raw. I am still so utterly broken, and I hate getting gut wrenching reminders of the loss I am dealing with. Had to get it off my chest and now that I wrote it, admitted the pain, I feel better.

Sorry to start off my blog about something sad, it was a needed vent. Onto happier things…

Saw Eclipse Thursday night. It was good, definitely the best one so far. Jasper was the best part of the movie, he is so badass man. I was pissed about only one thing and its so minor but it was definitely one of my favorite parts of the book. After Bella punches Jacob and goes back to the Cullen house, Emmet comes in and says:
“Fall down again, Bella?” But in the movie they have him say something about walking and chewing gum at the same time…why? Why change a good thing. Idk I just don’t think it was funny what he said in the movie while I laughed my ass off in the book. Only thing I hated mind you, so that should tell you how good I thought the movie was. Loved the Lea tension, loved the wolves, LOVED LOVED LOVED the training with Jasper, loved the fight scene in the end, loved the kiss between Jacob and Bella, LOVED the almost sex on the bed with Edward and I absolutely loved Billy Burke aka Charlie and the whole sex talk scene. So much love for this movie, way better than new moon and again that says a lot because I am TEAM WOLVES lol.

Danielle Gen and I have been bonding lately and I love it. I mean there are days where I hate her, but it’s getting less, maybe 2 out of 7 days will be spent being mad at her, a definite improvement. I miss Tammy so much but this was her choice and I am proud she had the courage to leave and do what she wanted.

Read the second book in my vampire trilogy. LOVED IT.

Kayla, Kiersten’s cousin is up from Florida and we spent the day with her. We picked her up, went to Kmart for pool stuff, got some ice-cream and then hung out for a while. Lily loved her and Scootch couldn’t stop smiling. It was a good day.
Not a lot to blog about today, in a weird mood after the whole baby thing. I’m gonna go…

Quote for the road…

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy. ~Author Unknown

In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips

It’s a little chilly today, I guess mother nature decided I really did need a break from the pool, since every time I’ve said I’m not going in…I do anyway lol. Hanging with Mo for a little bit today, she is bringing me a Caramel Frap, bless her friggin soul. She knows the way to my heart. It’s been a billion years [two months] since we’ve seen her, but as soon as she gets here it will be like no time passed, gotta love a friendship like that =].

My mom is gonna take me to Shoprite when she gets out of work. Danielle got me the wrong pull-ups =[. So I have to go exchange them and then get a pepper for my meatloaf and fresh broccoli and some cheese. Yummmmmmmy! And not just for us, you have to see Lily eat broccoli, James would vomit if he saw her love for green veggies hahaha, weird boy.

My jaw keeps locking lately and if you’ve never had it happen, blog five to you, because it’s the worst pain in the world. It’s been happening to me since I was little and I know the techniques to unlock it but it lasts for like 5 minutes and then locks again. Going on 5 days now, its irritating man.

My cousin Tracy was telling my mom she wants to come down the shore with her family and celebrate mine and her birthday together. That could be weird. Haven’t seen her since my Grandmother’s funeral and then before that it was a long time since we’d seen each other. I think it could be cool to see Joshua and Sam and Lexi and Nicolas but idk just an awkward situation to start out with ya know. Hate weird reunions lol. Idk, we’ll see. As long as it’s not July 23rd, which happens to be my bday dinner.

Watched Avatar last night, well semi watched it while I was on the computer. It wasn’t bad but I didn’t find it as amazing as I guess 95% of the world. I thought Zoe Saldana was amazing but I definitely agree that The Hurt Locker deserved the award for best film…..i will be shot for that I bet haha.

Ok I don’t have much else to blog on so until tomorrow, here is my quote…

Sisters don't need words. They have perfected a language of snarls and smiles and frowns and winks - expressions of shocked surprise and incredulity and disbelief. Sniffs and snorts and gasps and sighs - that can undermine any tale you're telling.

Hate Spinnerbait

I Saw the Harry Potter trailer yesterday…I still can’t breathe, seriously. I love both Twilight and Harry but Twilight can’t hold a candle to Harry. Every movie out there should take a lesson in how to make a trailer because I am going to wish everyday for 5 months that it is November and then I will be wishing it was July of 2011 after that. I am super sad that it will be all over by next summer but I can’t wait to have all 8 movies in my possession and say this was what I loved for 10 years of my life and it was brought to life in a way that was just perfect. I love these books more than anything else I have read. I will read these books to Lily when she is old enough and let her experience the movies too. It’s like she will understand a huge part of what I loved as a kid.

Anyway, back to that other book series I adore, Eclipse is out on Thursday. We may actually see it that day with Danielle if we can get a babysitter because she thinks she will die if we don’t lol. I’m not super excited for it but I think that’s just how I get, once I’m in the theater I will probably shit myself, plus ya know they are showing the HP trailer beforehand ha.
I have come to the conclusion that I hate other people’s drama. Just got off the phone with Sikko and she is going through so much shit because people she barely knows is very much in her business, but while I have sympathy for the situation, I wanna shake her and ask her why she would tell almost strangers her personal business like that. She was really upset and said Gen and I are the only friends she wants. Love her, but I am so glad I barely have any friends. I have the close knit group that I love and even we have a decent amount of drama, which I can’t stand.
Is it sad that all I wanna do is buy the new books that are being held at BNN? It’s all I want in life. I swear to god all I need in life are these things, you ready for them:

1. Lily & Kiersten
2. Genna
3. A good book
4. Music
5. Movies

I don’t need anything else to make me happy. I’m kind of simple and I like it.

Quote time:

I licked my lips and whispered, 'Is this where you say you'll kill me?'
One corner of his lips curled. 'If you like,' he murmured, a flicker of amusement finally crossing his face. 'Though it's gotten far too interesting for that."

Sun-Kissed

So after a weekend in the pool with the kids, I am pooped, but it does not end there. No, today is Monday and Lily woke up saying I wanna go in the pool. I love it. She used to cry at the water, now she’s a water bug like the rest of us; she even dunked under fully 4 times now!!
It’s been pretty rough here the last few days. Tensions high because my mom is, well she’s being her, so life has been an emotional roller coaster. The pool is at least neutral ground for the most part but some days I just can’t take her. She has a vacation coming up from July 1st until the 10th I think, I’m not positive, and I am hoping it all settles down by then. But the good thing is she can babysit while Danielle, Gen and I see Eclipse and maybe she will even let me and Gen go out with friends to see a movie.
Then there is that. Getting out of the house is extremely difficult. We aren’t like normal 23 and 21 year olds. I have a 4 year old who I unfortunately get no help from her father and then there is K but do I even have to elaborate? People don’t understand what actually goes into getting a day out for a couple of hours. We have to ask at least 2 weeks in advance and it always has to be a Thursday or a Friday. It’s not easy to get any kind of time to ourselves, even though I tell Gen all the time to go out, call a friend, take a day, she didn’t have kids, but she’s my best friend through and through and refuses to have fun if I’m stuck home with 2 kids. Love that girl, but she’s an idiot, lol. I am having a birthday dinner July 23rd that I still have to clear with Danielle and Mom and that will take some bribing and persuading. I just get sooooooo frustrated because our friends forget that we have obligations, we don’t get to go to bars or take a walk or go to a movie or do Applebee’s late at night, or wherever else unattached kids go, we don’t have a normal life and we haven’t for a REALLY long time. I love my daughter and I love spending most of my time with her, I just get mad when people don’t understand it isn’t just a hey let’s do this and I just say YES and go. No, it’s more like I can’t do that today but ask me that again in two weeks so I can get a babysitter before that day and then we can go but we have only this amount of time to do because I have to get back to my kid cause that’s how life works. And it makes me sooo mad when people don’t get that.
Anyway, I need to go clean up the kitchen and living room and then get the munchkins ready for the pool. Another day, Another adventure.
Quote for the road;
"He stared at her, knowing with certainty that he was falling in love. He pulled her close and kissed her beneath a blanket of stars, wondering how on earth he'd been lucky enough to find her."
— Nicholas Sparks (The Last Song)

Abso-freakin-lutely!

Do you ever just have an amazing day? I did today. I didn’t go out and see a movie, or go out to eat with friends, or even leave the confines of my home. But it was a great day. First off it started out with my mama letting me sleep in until 9:30, which never happens. I am up by 7am every morning with my energizer bunny, or Lily for short. Then we grabbed a quick breakfast, Reese’s puff’s if you were wondering, and then got ready for the pool. We stayed in the pool from 10 to 2:30 with lunch outside at the picnic table in between there somewhere. It’s so fun to be with the kids. Most days they can be a handful, but when you put them in the water, it’s like they become calm and listen and are just super happy. We ate dinner and then went back in the water from 5 to 7. It was all of us; Gen mom, Kiersten and Lily, and it was just such a good day. We laughed, swam, and it was like all worries and problems just disappeared. It was a beautiful day<3
Tammy and Adam got their own apartment in SC. Its 2 bedrooms, dining room, spacious kitchen living room, and a huge bathroom from the way she described it. VERY CHEAP! $515 a month, water is free, and then the cost of utilities. I want to move there. I honestly do, and it may sound crazy but I just feel like it would be a great move for the family. Danielle likes the idea and we all agree we would have to look into jobs down there before we contemplate anything but it’s a serious idea and that is exciting. I have told a few friends about it and the response is all the same: YOU CANNOT GO. And I know that it would be extremely hard to leave people behind. I love my friends and even more than me, Lily loves them, they are her family. They are stability in her life, people she sees almost on a daily basis and it would break my heart the first time I heard I wanna see [enter name] and I couldn’t call them and say come over Lily misses you. But I need to do what I feel is right and it’s not here in NJ anymore. I feel like a fresh start will be good. There has been so much death and sadness and loss and hurt in the last few years and I just wanna leave it behind. The only thing really halting me from getting on everyone’s ass about making this happen are my cousins, Mark and Eric. I barely see them now and I live in the same state, I cannot imagine not being able to drive the 45 mins to see them, even if I don’t right now.

I saw James after not seeing him for a while. I love that kid, I do. I am glad we aren’t dating but I could see myself in 10 years being with him, it’s weird. We are just not in a good place to date and there is his whole LACK of communication that he needs to remedy, but I do love him, and it was so good to have my best friend back. We fell into our old patterns; laughing at Gen and just being able to say whatever we want to each other without feeling weird. I loved it sooooooo much. Saw Knight and Day, it was amazing. Better than I honestly thought it was going to be.

Gonna leave you now with a quote from Remember Me because it was phenom and I plan to buy it Wednesday along with Percy Jackson....

Tyler: Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it because nobody else will. Like when someone comes into your life and half of you says: "You're nowhere near ready". And the other half says: "Make her yours forever".

SINDAY IS HERE. In case you don’t know what that is blogger of mine, that is the greatest day of week, TRUE BLOOD NIGHT. I cannot wait to see this, I’m telling you this episode better be filled with Sookie and Eric sexual tension like you would not believe. Gen and I are making cupcakes and we are gonna decorate them for the occasion. It’s so sad how into this we are. I love it so much when there is a show you can get excited about. I only have 4 shows I get like this over: Glee, Vampire Diaries, Sons of Anarchy, and True Blood. Don’t get me wrong I love all the shows I watch, Supernatural and Smallville have been favorites for years now, it’s just that these 4 shows give me the beehives in my stomach and I love it.

Anyway, so Loretta and I are friends again. It’s weird how you can go from completely hating someone and I mean hating to the point where her facebook picture made me want to rip her to pieces. But now we talk every day. It’s crazy because there are so few people like me and Gen and she really is, almost, no one can BE me and gen, it’s impossible, two peas in a fucked up pod<3333 I still hate the fact that she is so close with James, like a lot, but if I put that aside she is pretty awesome. She loves the same books, shows, movies, it’s crazy.

Idk, more later I guess, but I will leave you with a quote from True Blood.

"If I want Sookie, I can simply take her."-Eric

Sindays are here.

Life is meaningless-T.Bear. I think he said it best. Kidding, I’m not suicidal people; though the freaking lord gives me good reasons to be. Anyone have $1400 lying around? How about a dad for my kid that isn’t the world’s worst human being? Maybe someone has a wish they would let me borrow so I could fix Lily’s teeth? That song Airplanes doesn’t know how true it is. I could really use a wish right now…okay, enough of the sad woe is me bullshit.

It’s the summer, Woooooooooooooooooot! Okay so maybe I am a little excited. This is the first summer in 3 years that I am not currently employed and can you believe it I was tan before June. It took almost until August to get me tan last summer, I can’t talk about it. Lily actually loves the beach this year, not so much the water, but she loves making sand castles and collecting shells. It’s definitely a step up since last summer where she would do the crouching tiger hidden dragon feet action by hovering in the air while I held her arms. Yes, it is as funny as it sounds. I want to go to the boardwalk this year with her, see how she fairs on the rides. Here’s to hoping, lol.

I feel like time is literally speeding by me. Seriously, I feel like yesterday was April, but no it is June. Tomorrow is TRUE BLOOD. I cannot fucking wait. We are having a true blood party. Tacos, cupcakes<3>

Ok, I am done for now. I’ll update later, I have to clean up the dungeon for tomorrow.